after thought : The Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 8 : 6:00

Finally there was sun. I was happy for two reasons now, one it was morning, and the bus was about to come, second I was finally getting into her head. Don’t know why, but I liked it. When the first rays of sun rose up, first thing what I did was to look at her in sun. If I could really describe her face, it would be one of a cherub, and not just any cherub, the most loved and awed one. The most prized by the gods, but was punished to live between humans as she did something wrong up there. The soft rounds of her cheeks, the narrow eyes. As now her shawl was down on her shoulders, and her hair flowing inside, I could imagine what the guy saw in her. I don’t know what in particular I liked in her, her eyes, her hair, her small trinkets earring. I liked it all. But nevertheless I didn’t want to compliment her at this stage. Most probably she will kill me. But did muster up some courage and said.
“So what are you going to do next?”
“What’s better than to leave?”
Girls you know, they will never answer straight, and anyway it was cruel to expect an answer from her today at-least.
“Ya, I’m sorry about that sick guy, you must be feeling guilty of ever committing to him.”
And her sharp look with stern look, which slightly calmed down immediately “Now you say so, yes.”
Out of blue, an old man appeared, with some canister in hand, I thought finally we got company. To add to my surprise he went behind the bus stop and moved a stall thing. Which later we discovered to be his tea and snack stall. After two minutes we had hot tea available there.
“Would you like some tea, its cold, and besides that you had bad night.” Thinking about the after effect being negative I reliantly added “If you are fine with it.”
I smiled finally. And she did too.

after thought : The Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 7 : 5:30

Yes, she was no one for me, just a stranger on this strange night, which was fading fast now. There were smooth blue in sky now instead of the darker one. Finally the night was falling off my shoulders. Her story was one tragic ones, which reminded of a song from band called Puddle of Mudd, she fucking hates me. I loved that song completely, however never got to sing that song, cause there was never a ‘she’ in my life, fortunately. Anyway, who wants a ‘she’ and what if ‘she’ turns out like ‘her’? I was self amused by this thought, but then again charged myself guilty of laughing at her situation. I turned back and asked her finally.

“Why did you got into a relation when you knew he didn’t have guts to stand besides you?”

“Yes, go ahead blame me. It’s entire my fault. Tell me how do you know about a person’s trait and personality, risk taking capability.”

“But you said, you were in relation for two years. That’s a long time to get to know a guy, right?”, “and I’m not at all blaming you, here you have been a victim of circumstances. And certainly because of people.”

“I think you are right, it was my fault, and I was so blinded by his promises and fake love that I couldn’t see his real. I was always in a dream world.”
She continued, like she was delivering a speech.
“He always laughed at me, went out with me, and even was not afraid like other men who are afraid of being looked with a girl in crowd. We met more than two times a week taking time for each other from our busy schedules. Called each other before sleeping, cared so much for each other. If one was down with fever the other would run for medicines and be there even before needed.”

“And your parents knew?”

“No, they were doubtful till yesterday.”

All of sudden she started to collect herself. As if she was feeling guilty of sharing personal thoughts with me. It used to happen with me few years ago, when I was conscious of ‘what-might-people-think-about-me’ and ‘‘I’m-a-closed-book, no-one-shall-ever-reach-me.’ , this stopped when I sat one day one a night like this, with a cup of coffee and of course cigarettes. Today was different. I tried to console her saying
“Don’t worry I won’t judge you, I can’t simply judge you. If you want to continue, please do.”
It was her turn to get surprised. After all I read her thoughts twice this night.

after thought : The Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 7 : 5:30

Yes, she was no one for me, just a stranger on this strange night, which was fading fast now. There were smooth blue in sky now instead of the darker one. Finally the night was falling off my shoulders. Her story was one tragic ones, which reminded of a song from band called Puddle of Mudd, she fucking hates me. I loved that song completely, however never got to sing that song, cause there was never a ‘she’ in my life, fortunately. Anyway, who wants a ‘she’ and what if ‘she’ turns out like ‘her’. I was self amused by this thought, but then again charged myself guilty of laughing at her situation. I turned back and asked her finally.
“Why did you got into a relation when you knew he didn’t have guts to stand besides you?”
“Yes, go ahead blame me. It’s entire my fault. Tell me how do you know about a person’s trait and personality, risk taking capability.”
“But you said, you were in relation for two years. That’s a long time to get to know a guy, right?”, “and I’m not at all blaming you, here you have been a victim of circumstances. And certainly because of people.”
“I think you are right, it was my fault, I was so blinded by his promises and fake love that I couldn’t see his real. I was always in a dream world.”

after thought : The Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 6 : 5:30

She said nothing, which meant that she believed me to be at her side, good for me. Silence prevailed for few moments, which I utilized to look at my watch. It had its loose arms at 5:30 am. My dad always said that I should get a digital clock as I always made mistake in finding difference between 4:30 and 5:30, it always looked similar to me. Today it didn’t. Today was different.

“Yes, I told them, but it wasn’t much help, you see life isn’t always fair.”

“But wasn’t it’s your life; I mean you have to decide whom you want to live with and all.”

“Big deal!”

Quite taken aback, I said, “What? Why do you say that?”

The same looks in her eyes and a little sarcastic smile this time on face.

“Have you ever been in love?”

People say women are unpredictable, I’ meeting one right now. She just surprises me every passing moment. This time, little attacking on me.

“No”

“Do you love someone? At least, I mean even have crush on someone.”

“Umm…err…well…there have been crushes, but I don’t think now it’s still there. Why do you ask?”

“How you would you feel when everyone in the world you know betray you, starting from the person you love the most? Believe me its disgusting feeling. It feels like you have been stripped from every right of being a human, let alone being a daughter, sister and lover.”

“What happened exactly, what made you to leave your home forever? If you want to talk about it?”

She picked the water bottle again to her lips. The pinkish lips. She took few large gulps. This reminded me of my boss. He did exactly the same when he was about to give a presentation. I hated myself at very this moment, here was a girl who has just left her home forever and I was comparing her with my boss.

“I was betrayed by some of my own people. The person with whom I was in love for 2 years, he didn’t had guts to stand beside me, my parents who wanted to sell me to some rich guy in pretext of marriage. I so hate them all right now. I actually now loath myself because I have been with them , living with them, tried to be with them when they were down, when they needed someone’s shoulder to cry on. And what did I gain out of it? This day? This loneliness and betrayal and…and… my this life which stays ahead of me.”

I quietly said to myself, “Pretty fucked up.”

“Yeah, it is, pretty fucked up. I don’t know why I was blinded by what that I couldn’t see the characters of those people. Was I a burden for them? Why did they wanted to get rid of me?”

“I guess they didn’t to know you better. They didn’t know your importance or maybe they are just smaller being, worthless cheap guys.”

I didn’t knew why I was angry actually on her parents and that stupid guy with whom she was in relation for two year, and that’s too long for me. She was no one for me. Just a stranger.

after thought : The bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 6 : 5:00

“Why?”

Again I realized my stupidity “I’m sorry, that’s none of my business.”

This all came as a super shock to me, I wasn’t expecting my companion in this lonely night to be someone this, but slowly everything began to make sense, the sudden appearance, the ever bowed head, the mehndi design on her hand, the extra kohl in her eyes, which she carefully wiped so that it might not spread because of her tears. I was surprised at myself and all the male population out there. What one earth could make a girl in early 20’s with such soft features, to come in this chilly night all alone, risking herself to chill of night and unknown person at this hour. How could she do that, must be something terrible.

“I didn’t want to marry to someone I don’t love.”

This time she had my full attention, “Oh! Your parents were forcing you to marry someone?”

Finally she lifted her head to look into my eyes, “Yes.”

She looked pale, even at this dark hour and in street lamp light I could say she was feeling weak.

“Do you want something to eat? You look tired and weak.”

“No thanks, I’m fine now, thanks for water but, I needed it.”

“Can I ask you something? If you won’t mind? You can just say if you don’t want to answer.”

“Go on, I won’t mind anything today, at least, saw many faces today, real faces.”

“If you didn’t wanted to get married why didn’t you talk your parents out it?”

Again a wave of rage swept in her, “what do you think I’m enjoying this cold weather and I have a habit of leaving home every Saturday?”

Her mention of day made me realize that I was due Monday in office at my table dealing with those files which my senior gave to me. It was actually his work.
I was shocked and with that shock went into my thought of office and files. She brought me back to earth.

“I’m sorry; I’m just a bit ruffled.”

“Huh! Okay, it’s okay; I can understand your position. And I’m asking you such stupid question, of course you might had told them but still they forced you, sort of.”

After finishing my colossal statement I realized that I went over board and now I’m accusing her parents. I don’t know what this might had effect on her, whether she was happy that I’m on her side or whether she was furious on me for accusing people who made her what she was today. Sooner or later I had to take the flake for just now what I did.

after thought : Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 5: 4:30

But then something in me told that there was no point in having a conversation that I knew was a complete white lie. I had an urge to tell her that if she told me the truth I won’t kill her or won’t publish in a newspaper etc. I created a gap between reply which was filled with her silence and lies. I was equally responsible for her lies, because I was supporting her by giving her ideas and making it easier for her. Between all this thought I completely forgot about the main fact, why was she lying after all. After stubbing out my cigarette I looked at her and asked her

“You comfy? Is there something bothering you?”

“No, I mean yes, I mean am comfortable and nothing is bothering me.”

“Sure? You look a little bit ruffled and sort of troubled. I mean apart from being stranded on this rickety bus stop with a weird stranger who smokes and talks a lot over top of it, the stranger is male. I don’t know I felt like, you know, pareshaan types, like something bothering you.”

She sighed heavily as if I have spoken something of her vanity with huge disrespect. This was strange reaction I was getting from her.

“No. It’s just too cold.”

It meant “keep your mouth shut.”

“Okay, but just incase, wanted you to know that I mean you no harm, possibly can’t do anything and I am really going to Kanpur.”

I indicated her that I already knew that she was lying. Then went back to what I was doing, absolutely nothing. But at least I had something to think of, this lady, whose name was still a mystery and she had my water bottle. But when I think from her point of view I find it right, how many times did I ever talk with stranger telling them I hadn’t had bath for two days because of cold Delhi, so why should she tell me her secrets. But night had something more in package for me, so tables turned this time again and this was after quiet 20mins.

“Err…you know…I actually left home today.”

“What?”

“I…err…ran away.”

“What?”

More softly “I left home forever.”

This time she again mistook my ‘what’s’ the first one was because I was in my thoughts and she suddenly said something, the second was in disbelief and the third one was coming but I controlled it hard and said

after thought - Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 5 : 4:00

Time blew between us like the smoke was on me. I didn’t have nerve to ask her again, nor was I interested in anymore in talk-with-strangers-on-tour. I was more interested in the half moon and little clouds, which carelessly hung in sky. For a moment I thought it would be nice wallpaper for my laptop. This thought actually triggered a guilt wave in me, of not giving credit to nature of its beauty. If this scene was observed by any other person, like poets or writers they would have certainly described beautifully it as velvet coated night with shiny pearls in it as stars and the most brightest diamond kept on top, or those clouds would better symbolized as blanket of night as moon lay asleep in cold. But as thoughts came to me, they were broken by soft voice. “Sorry” she said, “Sorry?” replied I, she replied “I am sorry for being rude.” Actually my ‘sorry’ was for not getting what she said for the first time, she mistook it for my gratitude, like I didn’t knew why she was sorry for. But I liked it, finally getting someone to talk.

“No problem, its okay.”

“But I’m sorry”

“It’s okay”

Then unexpectedly she turned and again went back to what she was doing, looking hard for something in ground. I thought finally I got her to talk. I felt and urge to try my luck again, so asked her clearly

“You going to Kanpur?”

“Yes”

“But the bus doesn’t come until 5 in morning, and its growing colder every moment.”

“Yes”

“Do you want some water?”

Here I was expecting another yes and I was already out of questions. And I don’t why I asked this stupid question, but it worked well and did something good.

“Yes please, if you have extra bottle.”

“Ya I do have an extra bottle, you can keep it, we still have a few hours to kill. Want something to eat as well?”

We walked towards each other and I would remember the moment I gave her my water bottle (extra) would be like when some important documents are being exchanged by ambassadors of different countries after a long tiring meeting.

“Thank you, err…..where are you heading to?”

“Kanpur, I’m stuck in my vacations. What about you?”

Silence prevailed for another 5 mins.

“I’m visiting some friends in Agra, just casual one.”

Agra? Isn’t this just besides Delhi, one can start in morning, and no need for standing here in chill of night, I suspected something wrong. Didn’t say so at first, actually didn’t wanted to spook her that I’m suspecting her of something. She seemed genuine to me. I still don’t know why. It was my turn for little ‘hmm’

“Hmm...…”

It was awkward to say something else than travel plans because that was the only thing common in us. More awkward because I knew she lied.

“And where you are from? Delhi?”

I gave her option, making it easier for her to lie more.

“Err...Yes…no...Not from New Delhi, the old one.”

“Hmm…” I really liked these ‘hmms’.

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after thought : Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 4 : 3:30 am

Weird night and weird stranger, if there was anything I was expecting to go awry, it was running out of my iPod batteries. The latter happened and I was left with no option than to talk with this woman. But when lifted her face to give me that look, which explained me a little of all 'hmm's'. The soft light of the solitary lamppost fell on her side, her forehead, cheeks, shoulders. I noticed for first time that she had waist length hair, her face was an perfect oval, and it was meant not be forgotten, those little dark eyes shone, which were I guess had small hint of tears, her lips were closed tightly, as if preventing something bad to come out of that mouth. I could notice that her lips were actually quivering, was it cold or was that some emotion, I couldn't had guessed it anyway. With such light profile on her, I could make out that she was in her early 20's. Still her sentence was hanging in air, when she returned back to her work, admiring the ground.
After a few seconds I realized that I have been I was actually given no answer, Honestly I was captured and mesmerized by her, her narrow, wet, eyes. Was something disturbing me? I wasnt yet certain about it if there was anything. I took another long drag from the cigarette, and resumed my work on smoke. Actually I was little angry, little though, why did she shout on me, anyway, its none of my business.

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after thought : Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 4 : 3:00am

Nervous or scared it was hard to categories those feeling. I however as such don’t believe in ghost, but damn she wasn’t moving a bit, how can a person appear suddenly and not move at all? This was the main question right now. However when I reached for my pocket for smoke I sensed she moved, yes she moved, I could bet on it now, she’s human perhaps. So need of paying attention to her. From my past experience I have experienced that girls wanted attention, and once you give them that, it acts like drugs, they crave for more and more form you. Here out on road, I didn’t want to be seller of drugs. So walked a few paces ahead to light my cigarette. Suddenly I heard a very soft voice, almost a whisper, “Don’t go far, please” I wanted to say “what’s your problem” instead I simply replied “Why? Anything bothering you?” thought this was the perfect start for conversation, but she didn’t reply. She again immersed herself in eternal search of something at her feet. Now thinking of that situation I think I should have asked her about what was she exactly doing looking down so hard.

But I was filled with hate and arrogance; I still don’t know why I hated her and what for? For being company in that lonely night or for spooking me. Not knowing the answer I stood there lighting my 3^rd cigarette, it felt awesome. If you ask a smoker when id the best time to smoke, he will say, after you tummy if full and you have to do nothing. Same condition was mine, my tummy was full of ladoo’s plus I had to do nothing except stand there. After taking two long drags I again watched from corner of my eye, waiting her to say something. I was good at starting conversation with girls in college, what’s with her? After putting my cigarette out I realized it’s growing colder. The second most tiresome job I feel in the world is getting something out of your bag, especially when the bag is packed by your mom, and first is getting up in winter morning. I totally hate it. It took me full 2 mins and meeting with the box, pants, 3/4ths and finally jacket. As I was straightening myself I noticed that she was already looking down after adjusting her shawl. I wondered if I was still dreaming.

I wanted to start converstation with her, so said, "Today is unusually cold na?" all i could get out her was a little 'hmm' I continued my effort "So where are heading to?" not moving her gaze sh said "I dont know"

At that moment I thought not again some philosophical babe out here, and asked her what did that mean. and the answer was given to me full faced with those narrow black eyes. "I dont know" This was the first time in history I had seen her face. This was truly a historic moment for me as I was expecting that I wont get to see her face at all.

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after thought - I, Me and Myself

Recently I met Me and Myself. Nice guys they were, but when they left, the left me confusing.
I was just sitting besides window, when outside I saw Me, he was calling me down. But as usual I was too lazy to move. So I called him up. Its been long time since I have seen Me. He rang my doorbell as if he was controlling his pee for a long time and he wanted relief. As soon as I opened the door, he simple burst in and said "what man! where are you, long time no see huh?" to this simple question I couldn't answer. I don't know what I have been doing and where I was going too? So kept my trademark silence and gave him my traditional haggard look. I replied "Man, I'm fed up with my life."
Me was shocked and shouted at me "what? you want to become monk or want to commit suicide?"
I smiled and replied "Damn you! you only want to kill me, that's all" I was kidding of course, Me has been my best friend for a long time, just I didn't had time to see Me. He was as usual full of energy and full of crazy ideas. When I was a kid, no one could actually believe that who stole Guava, commonly known as Amrood. Neither we knew, because we both did the same. Doing mischief in classroom was our daily chore. And when caught I and Me were called.
This made me remember of my another friends Myself, haven't seen him lately as well, but hes cool with that.
Me shook me and brought back to real world. I asked him "what about you, what are you doing these days."
His answer was plain and simple "Dude, what do you think, was alone and bored as well since you left me."
I said smiling "why? you had a huge friends circle, wheres everyone? or you too want to become a monk like me?"
when he saw me laughing then he was furious "Don't you know, they don't care about Me, they just want to have fun, dude and tired as well sometimes, am not a joker, who make people laugh everytime they meet me."
I was really surprised by Me, he was so different today.
I said him that we must call Myself, its been long since we all sat together. Me was bubbly again as ever.
After 5 rings Myself picked up my call, I said "don't you keep you cellphone near you?"
Myself replied "whats the fuss about, whats troubling you? and why are you venting out on me? is Me there?"
I was surprised by knowing that this guy still knows me very well, Myself not only guess my frame of mind but also detected that Me was there.
I wanted to escape this question as I didn't had and answer yet, so simply asked Myself to come over for a chat, he was ready anytime.
Since me arrived he has been scratching his head like hes in deep thought, and when i asked him what he was thinking, Me said "there is this problem with my PC man, its troubling me a lot, am fed up with this computer."
and I thought that he was thinking something deep.
Fortunately before I had to answer Me Myself came over.
he chose to sit on sofa, unlike ME and I who prefer bed, after-all its the most comfortable thing in world
Myself came and sat with his hands folded looking over the top of his glasses, as waiting for me to start.
Myself has been a perfect philosopher for me, he took me in and out of problem with an ease.
After Me and Myself shared there answers about how they were and the most common answer came out that they were fine.
"So, you looked ruffled?" Myself asked me, "Yeah, I am little troubled, troubled by the fact that why are we alive?"
Me jumped back " what do you mean why we are alive? don't you want to live?"
I said "yeah man, but why, what are we supposed to do? just breathe? just eat? just sleep and stay awake? what am supposed to do here?"
Me again argued "what man, have fun, why are you so worried?"
I snapped back "have fun, at cost of my mental peace? I'm fed up actually."
Me started to say something but Myself intervened he spoke slowly "what is actually bothering you, i know its not life, but there is certainly something else."
"duh!" I said "if not life then what else remains dude? anyway to tell you I'm fed up of this Hippocratic world, people say something, do something, want something, get nothing, one boy loving 3 girls and those 3 girls loving 3 each and a girl, whats happening? where is the love and compassion and friendship and trust?"
to this Me started singing "where is the looove..where issss the looove"
I and Myself gave him a stern look.
I continued "Why Im expected to be more mature and not fool around and have to understand what people are saying, why i cant be like others who dont think and just live, aimlessly and somebody please remove these thoughts from my head"
Myself replied, strangly with half smile "Yaar, first of all sit down dont run in room ,you will bump into something" I listend to him and found a corner of my own bed with was largely occupied by Me. Myself continued " see what you are telling about being frustrated for being expected to be more mature and understanding the thought and talks of other people and in return they dont understand you, right? if you know that you are matured then why make fuss out of it, why not be happy about the fact that you have an upper hand than anyone else.OK. and about love, listen buddy there is always negative with positive." Me interrupted "yea right, good girls come with high prices, they are expensive ." Myself almost didnt hear he continued "listen man, you have seen today's life style, you dont even get time for peeing, how come you will able to give or take or create or make love you anyone in the world. plus they golden age of love has already lost somewhere with industrial revolution." Me got interested and asked Myself that how was love related to industrial revolution, the idea was absurd ofcourse but quite cool.
Myself looked amused, he always was when he knew something what we didnt. he replied "tell me why did you study so much? to get a good job right? what is a good job, certainly the one which pays you more, and why do you want to earn more, because things have goon costly, and you tell me(pointing at Me) why things have become costly?"
Me meekly said "industrial revolution?"
"No" replied Myself "the wars actually and industrial revolution initiated wars, this relation might look absurd and really really long but makes sense, isnt it."
I needed time to let Myself's theory to sink in.
after a long silence, Myself understood that it was hard for us to relate everything directly to our personal life.
he said "Ok, lets go from other direction, our lifestyle has become such that we need to do that tobe part of system, so actually we have to do wrong things to be a part of wrong society." Myself's hopeful eyes were on us hoping that we understood atleast some part.
completely fed up and dejected he said " look at Me, tell me Me you have girlfriend right? do you love her? means really are you in love with her?"
Me was taken aback with suddenness and sincerity of the question. I f he was with someone else he would had lied, but we were his best buddies so he said "No man, just tp. just now felt the truth when you asked"
"see" Myself continued without wasting the moment "this is what i wanted to point out that today we do things which actually we dont want to but loo at Me he has a gf who he doesnt even love, then whats the point of having a gf?","because everyone now has a gf or bf and these terms and titles are more like a medal or prize you have won, they are like conquest, but there is no real love between them, there might be but that probability is very very and extremely low as compared to what is just going as tp's"
I understood his point now but wanted to ask him on more thing and i did "so why we are doing this, if everyone knows that they are wrong and they are doing wrong why are they still doing so?"
Myself pointed at Me and said " he will give that answer, he knows more about that, ask him why did he admit in front of us that he doesn't love her gf"
Me meekly and slowly replied "dude, people will laugh at me, saying that im crazy and spending so much on her just for tp and stuff."
Myself broke into full smile from half smile "exactly, the fear of admitting that you are wrong makes you do wrong things, you know you dont love that particular person still either be under her thumbs or be a person boasting that you finally conquered her. But this is sick. and it the truth"
I said "man, this is so not good, we are almost degraded, this means we actually love nothing and nobody, we are just born to reproduce that's all?"
Myself came near bed, and kept his gaze out of window "unfortunately yes, today we are just a part of well planned fuck, thats all, sorry for the harshness of language but thats what we are and thats what we will be doing."

.........
we sat looking out of window I, Me and Myself, Its being long time we have been together, and we just sat there.....
you must them too...Me and Myself....find them and call them home sometime


credit to a blogger on wordpress whos idea i adapted

after thought - Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 3 : 2:00

The memories of college and the days spent there was like fresh air to my mind. I liked remembering the days in college when we had nothing to worry about and no one to boss around. But then college was over and I don’t know how but everything pointed to only one thing that my vacations are over, soon I would have to join my office. The same office which brought nightmares to me. I had a boss who knew nothing of the company, I had the marketing head who knew only about types of pens and there uses, one of which was drawing mustaches and beard on newspaper. But there were a few good things as well, like being out with friends and say that you are working to your mom, who is waiting because some uncle and aunties have arrived with there respective daughters. Sometimes I think, don’t these guys have any work or what. Once such day uncle and auntie caught me at home. I just had woken up as earlier night I had night shift, fortunately I came brushed my teeth had a bath then slept, so only my hair was ruffled, my brother said I was looking like Einstein minus mustache at that very moment. And later I fond out the truth behind there visit, they came to “see” me.

Suddenly I heard a grumbling sound, seemed far, but shook me. I took another such sound effect to realize that I was feeling hungry. I looked at my watch, it said 1:30. Gosh! I had dinner at 8, just to be sure that I reach in time, and now am stranded fucking here. I tried to forget it, and started kicking bag, in return bag kicked me. And the age old saying about me came true that my brain was in toes, how the hell could I have forgotten about the laddoo’s. I was more than happy, immediately pulled out the packet, which gave me another packet, I pulled it out again, it gave me some newspaper, ripping it off I found a steel circular box. And after much struggling finally I got it open. The smell was enough to increase my hunger two fold, quickly grabbing one, I stuffed in my mouth, and already had the other ready to load.

After eating 5 laddoo’s I was content (Who said human beings cannot be content?). Took my water bottle, looking towards the opposite side of road started to gulp it. While my mechanism was getting refueled I continued to watch those beautiful stars. The thought again came to me that I was alone. Keeping bottle stuck to my mouth I turned to other side of road, looking for any signs of bus to arrive, however it was too early. By the time my thirst was over, the bottle was half empty as well. Disappointingly I cap my bottle down and turn only to get the biggest shock that night, and which made me to loose whatever water I was left with.

A lady was standing in saree was standing near the route table bowing her head low, as if trying to search something in that loose soil. She wore cream or maybe white it was with some dark border on it. She was not moving, I tried to look at her and figure out if she was real and alive. I can still bet that I couldn’t see her breathing. Maybe I was dreaming or the extra ghee in laddoo’s were working quickly.

Whatever it was I became a little nervous for it.

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after thought - Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 2 : 12:45

I managed to pass my first one hour of life on bus stand alone. Now there was another hour to kill. So i decided to kill time by killing my eyes by looking at the route table or so called time table of bus. Starting from the top coming to bottom, I kept reading each and every line twice in moonlight, but didn't succeed, finally I took out my gifted lighter. This is always kept hidden from everyone in house. Once if it was discovered then the whole clan would now that I smoked. Thinking of which I pulled from packet as well. My favorite brand, pulling put one and sticking it at corner of my mouth, like any other Bollywood hero would do, lighting it up and taking the longest drag of my day. Wow it felt relaxing. So with the flickering light of flame I tried for the third time to read that time table, first line - not mine, second line -not mine, third line -not mine, fourth line - not mine, by this time I was getting a feeling that Im standing on wrong place at wrong hour, fifth line - there it is, Oh no! no way! this cant be it.
My bus was at 5 in morning and what the fuck was time now, 12:30! This cant be it. What will I do till 5? And i have only 6 smokes left. Damn, puffing out long bellow of smoke I sat on stone nearby. Thinking about what will I do when I will be in Mumbai, when i reach there after 14 days. That I will finally meet my friends and have some fun, go for some tour, somewhere north or south. Which reminded me that I was already on. Which sadly enough reminded me that I was on my own for next 5 hours.
Dissapointed, I stubbed out my smoke finally. I wanted to lie down somewhere, this was the common effect of smoke after I smoked.
Nevertheless I tried to shake off the effect of loneliness of the environment and to think about something good.
Something good, I could think was, last meet with my old pal, before he went to join his job and me to my journey (damn! this why everything come to this journey). Sameer was my friend from college, where we both graduated together. We did everything together, except what other people might think of first. We stared smoking together, studies together, swam together, ragged together, for the first time got drunk together and he cried. We were so infamous that whenever we were spotted together, people knew, either we were going to swimming pool or for smoke.
But he was way better than myself in every field, this didn't mean that i envied him or admired him, we had some mutual understanding. He was good at studies so I was good at computers, he was better at swimming and so I was good at pataoing girls, or flirting in English.
But he had a record of 100% rate in pataoing girls. If ever he did make any contact with any girl, for certain she was going to fall for him genuinely. And he was very determined that it was not his aim actually, whereas me, I too wanted to stay out of this lafda and was not as good as him here too, I am happy for this thing.
After-all life doesn't go as you wanted it to go.

to be continued
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after thought - Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 1 : 11:30pm

man, this bag is really heavy, i said to myself. i was traveling from Delhi to Kanpur for the first time, via bus. Which I always wanted to avoid. I have been bad experience with these bus, bus drivers, bus conductors and there passengers. But anyway, no i had no choice. And why the hell mom had to give me those extra ghee ladoo's which were now extra weight on me, damn!
As usual i had reached late on bus stop, and was finally guessing after looking the 5th time that i was late. However it was just 5 mins hardly i arrived. Its very surprising that when you are alone and stranded in place like this. This thought attracted me to look around me, I only first concentrated on the darkness first. Now after paying a little attention I found that this place had a weird setting, firstly there was no roof, I wondered where might people go when it might rain, another me answered back, "arre, don't worry bout them, they will have there umbrella's na."
I also had this strange another me in me, which was like encyclopedia, and had answers to every question of mine.
ignoring him, i went ahead to look carefully at the stop. There was a very rusty sign board on which was written "Bu.. S.o." looked like some name in Chinese dish. A little down was a seat, or remains of the seat, only the metal frame was the remains, on which only kids could sit. Beside the fact that I was tired standing I knew the limitation of that bench as well, So i didn't try to disturb its balance.
Moving further I found for what I was searching, the Route Table. The table which would tell my fortune that when will my torture end.
But fate was against me today, First my car broke down half way the bus stop, second why did the other car had to speed and splash mud and cow dung on me, the, why the hell its so dark, couldn't they put a night lamp up here?
Now it was becoming even harder to pass time. So since no was nearby, I could bring out my hidden talent, of singing. I knew, very clearly that I was worst singer, but whose listening anyway. The intro was soft, slowly picking up to the mid portion of song, volume grew higher with pitch. I was now so enjoying myself that I even tried to bring those musical instruments out me. I tried to get the best out of me. Finally the song ended. And the environment again went dead. After a long time I felt the chill of being alone in this place. That was the first time i every thought, that i was the lone person standing here, in eternal wait of the bus which might come or might not. It was also the first time I hoped that I had some company.

to be continued

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Novelette : Maximum City

Seventy-five per cent of the country is below the age o twenty five. Sunil is representative of this group-a generation that expects something better than their parents had. If they don't get it, they will be angry. And no family, no country, can withstand the anger. and no family of its young.
It is an exact and precise hell, the life of an unemployed young man in India. For eighteen years you have been brought up as a son; you have been given the best of what your father can afford. In the household, you eat first, then your father, the your mother, the your sister. If there is only so much money in the household your father will do with half cigarettes, your mother wont buy her new sari and your sister will stay home, but you will be sent to school. So when you reach the age of eighteen, you know your worshiped family's expectation behind you. You dare not turn around. You know what is expected of you; you have been witness to all petty humiliation they have suffered to get you to this place, You need to deliver. Your sister is getting married, your mother is sick, and your father will retire next year. It's up to; you carry a heavy burden of guilt from your childhood for having heedlessly taking the best of everything. So when you go out your matriculation certificate or your BA and find there are no jobs. The big companies have stopped hiring or leaving the city altogether, and the small companies with hire only relatives of the people already working, and you family is in Raigad or Bihar and has no influence here-you will look for other ways of making money.
You will look for other ways of assuring your family that their investment wasn't lost, you can take beatings, you can take rejections, but you cant face your family if you don't do your duty as the son. Go out in the morning and come back at night or go out at night come back in daytime if you have to, but take care of the family. You owe it to them, bringing; its your Dharma.



- Powertoni(77-78)
- Maximum City by Suketu mehta