after thought : The Bus Stop and The Stranger

Hour 8 : 6:10

I don't know and I was curious why did that guy leave her and moments later I found asnwering myself that he must be mama's boy. Pretty bad, very sad. We went ahead.
We went ahead and ordered some tea. This gave me feeling of movie “Swades” as the tea was offered was in earthen cups. I had a very embarrassing moment once having tea in earthen cups, it has weird property of getting stuck on ones lips when you take the first sip carelessly. It’s an art. Guarded closely by our ancestors, and eventually discovered by people like us after few embarrassing moments. As we came back to our standing place which was still feet’s apart (of which I am glad). We continued in silence the rituals of drinking tea from earthen cups, I hoping that it doesn’t happen again this time, when finally she broke the silence.

“Thank you.”

“Why? What did I do?”

“Sometimes you just thank people.”

Great now I was ‘people’. I liked her idea.

“Okay, but not to mention. Besides I thought we could be company each other.”

Silence. It was there was nothing in this whole world to fill the gaps. But there was so much in my mind which I never want to say, and her condition told everything that she too…was thinking of what to do next. So I asked.

“What are you going to do now in Delhi? I mean find a job or something?”

“…………haven’t really thought of it. But first will find my friends.”

“I ask too many questions, don’t I?”

I was trying to stop myself, but her face. It was hard to withdraw from her. It was hard to leave her. Was I falling in love with this stranger?

“No” she replied.

I was shocked. Did I say it all loud? Or I she read it all over my face?

“Huh?”

“Its okay after all I should get used to all this, what I have done today and said to you, over a period of time I will have to repeat it again and all over. This is men ruled society if a man does the same no one questions if a girl does so, she has to answer.”

Now where did this come from? But isn’t it true? Isn’t it shameful in 21^st century to be still like this? How could someone do this to her? I think I do like her.

“Yes. It’s true.”

I was simply drawing towards her. I said to myself I need distraction. Damn my iPod.

Well my wish was granted and there was the blue buss honking all the way on empty road. This honking should not be

misunderstood as signal to get away from road but to get ready with bags. Its time to roll.

“Ah finally there it is. The bus.”

She turned gracefully and stood on her toes to see the bus coming out of tress. It was like, I wish I was poet. Why the bus isn’t coming fast?

“Yes, finally.”

after thought : The Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 8 : 6:00

Finally there was sun. I was happy for two reasons now, one it was morning, and the bus was about to come, second I was finally getting into her head. Don’t know why, but I liked it. When the first rays of sun rose up, first thing what I did was to look at her in sun. If I could really describe her face, it would be one of a cherub, and not just any cherub, the most loved and awed one. The most prized by the gods, but was punished to live between humans as she did something wrong up there. The soft rounds of her cheeks, the narrow eyes. As now her shawl was down on her shoulders, and her hair flowing inside, I could imagine what the guy saw in her. I don’t know what in particular I liked in her, her eyes, her hair, her small trinkets earring. I liked it all. But nevertheless I didn’t want to compliment her at this stage. Most probably she will kill me. But did muster up some courage and said.
“So what are you going to do next?”
“What’s better than to leave?”
Girls you know, they will never answer straight, and anyway it was cruel to expect an answer from her today at-least.
“Ya, I’m sorry about that sick guy, you must be feeling guilty of ever committing to him.”
And her sharp look with stern look, which slightly calmed down immediately “Now you say so, yes.”
Out of blue, an old man appeared, with some canister in hand, I thought finally we got company. To add to my surprise he went behind the bus stop and moved a stall thing. Which later we discovered to be his tea and snack stall. After two minutes we had hot tea available there.
“Would you like some tea, its cold, and besides that you had bad night.” Thinking about the after effect being negative I reliantly added “If you are fine with it.”
I smiled finally. And she did too.

after thought : The Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 7 : 5:30

Yes, she was no one for me, just a stranger on this strange night, which was fading fast now. There were smooth blue in sky now instead of the darker one. Finally the night was falling off my shoulders. Her story was one tragic ones, which reminded of a song from band called Puddle of Mudd, she fucking hates me. I loved that song completely, however never got to sing that song, cause there was never a ‘she’ in my life, fortunately. Anyway, who wants a ‘she’ and what if ‘she’ turns out like ‘her’? I was self amused by this thought, but then again charged myself guilty of laughing at her situation. I turned back and asked her finally.

“Why did you got into a relation when you knew he didn’t have guts to stand besides you?”

“Yes, go ahead blame me. It’s entire my fault. Tell me how do you know about a person’s trait and personality, risk taking capability.”

“But you said, you were in relation for two years. That’s a long time to get to know a guy, right?”, “and I’m not at all blaming you, here you have been a victim of circumstances. And certainly because of people.”

“I think you are right, it was my fault, and I was so blinded by his promises and fake love that I couldn’t see his real. I was always in a dream world.”
She continued, like she was delivering a speech.
“He always laughed at me, went out with me, and even was not afraid like other men who are afraid of being looked with a girl in crowd. We met more than two times a week taking time for each other from our busy schedules. Called each other before sleeping, cared so much for each other. If one was down with fever the other would run for medicines and be there even before needed.”

“And your parents knew?”

“No, they were doubtful till yesterday.”

All of sudden she started to collect herself. As if she was feeling guilty of sharing personal thoughts with me. It used to happen with me few years ago, when I was conscious of ‘what-might-people-think-about-me’ and ‘‘I’m-a-closed-book, no-one-shall-ever-reach-me.’ , this stopped when I sat one day one a night like this, with a cup of coffee and of course cigarettes. Today was different. I tried to console her saying
“Don’t worry I won’t judge you, I can’t simply judge you. If you want to continue, please do.”
It was her turn to get surprised. After all I read her thoughts twice this night.

after thought : The Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 7 : 5:30

Yes, she was no one for me, just a stranger on this strange night, which was fading fast now. There were smooth blue in sky now instead of the darker one. Finally the night was falling off my shoulders. Her story was one tragic ones, which reminded of a song from band called Puddle of Mudd, she fucking hates me. I loved that song completely, however never got to sing that song, cause there was never a ‘she’ in my life, fortunately. Anyway, who wants a ‘she’ and what if ‘she’ turns out like ‘her’. I was self amused by this thought, but then again charged myself guilty of laughing at her situation. I turned back and asked her finally.
“Why did you got into a relation when you knew he didn’t have guts to stand besides you?”
“Yes, go ahead blame me. It’s entire my fault. Tell me how do you know about a person’s trait and personality, risk taking capability.”
“But you said, you were in relation for two years. That’s a long time to get to know a guy, right?”, “and I’m not at all blaming you, here you have been a victim of circumstances. And certainly because of people.”
“I think you are right, it was my fault, I was so blinded by his promises and fake love that I couldn’t see his real. I was always in a dream world.”

after thought : The Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 6 : 5:30

She said nothing, which meant that she believed me to be at her side, good for me. Silence prevailed for few moments, which I utilized to look at my watch. It had its loose arms at 5:30 am. My dad always said that I should get a digital clock as I always made mistake in finding difference between 4:30 and 5:30, it always looked similar to me. Today it didn’t. Today was different.

“Yes, I told them, but it wasn’t much help, you see life isn’t always fair.”

“But wasn’t it’s your life; I mean you have to decide whom you want to live with and all.”

“Big deal!”

Quite taken aback, I said, “What? Why do you say that?”

The same looks in her eyes and a little sarcastic smile this time on face.

“Have you ever been in love?”

People say women are unpredictable, I’ meeting one right now. She just surprises me every passing moment. This time, little attacking on me.

“No”

“Do you love someone? At least, I mean even have crush on someone.”

“Umm…err…well…there have been crushes, but I don’t think now it’s still there. Why do you ask?”

“How you would you feel when everyone in the world you know betray you, starting from the person you love the most? Believe me its disgusting feeling. It feels like you have been stripped from every right of being a human, let alone being a daughter, sister and lover.”

“What happened exactly, what made you to leave your home forever? If you want to talk about it?”

She picked the water bottle again to her lips. The pinkish lips. She took few large gulps. This reminded me of my boss. He did exactly the same when he was about to give a presentation. I hated myself at very this moment, here was a girl who has just left her home forever and I was comparing her with my boss.

“I was betrayed by some of my own people. The person with whom I was in love for 2 years, he didn’t had guts to stand beside me, my parents who wanted to sell me to some rich guy in pretext of marriage. I so hate them all right now. I actually now loath myself because I have been with them , living with them, tried to be with them when they were down, when they needed someone’s shoulder to cry on. And what did I gain out of it? This day? This loneliness and betrayal and…and… my this life which stays ahead of me.”

I quietly said to myself, “Pretty fucked up.”

“Yeah, it is, pretty fucked up. I don’t know why I was blinded by what that I couldn’t see the characters of those people. Was I a burden for them? Why did they wanted to get rid of me?”

“I guess they didn’t to know you better. They didn’t know your importance or maybe they are just smaller being, worthless cheap guys.”

I didn’t knew why I was angry actually on her parents and that stupid guy with whom she was in relation for two year, and that’s too long for me. She was no one for me. Just a stranger.

after thought : Bus stop and the Stranger

Hour 5: 4:30

But then something in me told that there was no point in having a conversation that I knew was a complete white lie. I had an urge to tell her that if she told me the truth I won’t kill her or won’t publish in a newspaper etc. I created a gap between reply which was filled with her silence and lies. I was equally responsible for her lies, because I was supporting her by giving her ideas and making it easier for her. Between all this thought I completely forgot about the main fact, why was she lying after all. After stubbing out my cigarette I looked at her and asked her

“You comfy? Is there something bothering you?”

“No, I mean yes, I mean am comfortable and nothing is bothering me.”

“Sure? You look a little bit ruffled and sort of troubled. I mean apart from being stranded on this rickety bus stop with a weird stranger who smokes and talks a lot over top of it, the stranger is male. I don’t know I felt like, you know, pareshaan types, like something bothering you.”

She sighed heavily as if I have spoken something of her vanity with huge disrespect. This was strange reaction I was getting from her.

“No. It’s just too cold.”

It meant “keep your mouth shut.”

“Okay, but just incase, wanted you to know that I mean you no harm, possibly can’t do anything and I am really going to Kanpur.”

I indicated her that I already knew that she was lying. Then went back to what I was doing, absolutely nothing. But at least I had something to think of, this lady, whose name was still a mystery and she had my water bottle. But when I think from her point of view I find it right, how many times did I ever talk with stranger telling them I hadn’t had bath for two days because of cold Delhi, so why should she tell me her secrets. But night had something more in package for me, so tables turned this time again and this was after quiet 20mins.

“Err…you know…I actually left home today.”

“What?”

“I…err…ran away.”

“What?”

More softly “I left home forever.”

This time she again mistook my ‘what’s’ the first one was because I was in my thoughts and she suddenly said something, the second was in disbelief and the third one was coming but I controlled it hard and said

Novelette : Maximum City

Seventy-five per cent of the country is below the age o twenty five. Sunil is representative of this group-a generation that expects something better than their parents had. If they don't get it, they will be angry. And no family, no country, can withstand the anger. and no family of its young.
It is an exact and precise hell, the life of an unemployed young man in India. For eighteen years you have been brought up as a son; you have been given the best of what your father can afford. In the household, you eat first, then your father, the your mother, the your sister. If there is only so much money in the household your father will do with half cigarettes, your mother wont buy her new sari and your sister will stay home, but you will be sent to school. So when you reach the age of eighteen, you know your worshiped family's expectation behind you. You dare not turn around. You know what is expected of you; you have been witness to all petty humiliation they have suffered to get you to this place, You need to deliver. Your sister is getting married, your mother is sick, and your father will retire next year. It's up to; you carry a heavy burden of guilt from your childhood for having heedlessly taking the best of everything. So when you go out your matriculation certificate or your BA and find there are no jobs. The big companies have stopped hiring or leaving the city altogether, and the small companies with hire only relatives of the people already working, and you family is in Raigad or Bihar and has no influence here-you will look for other ways of making money.
You will look for other ways of assuring your family that their investment wasn't lost, you can take beatings, you can take rejections, but you cant face your family if you don't do your duty as the son. Go out in the morning and come back at night or go out at night come back in daytime if you have to, but take care of the family. You owe it to them, bringing; its your Dharma.



- Powertoni(77-78)
- Maximum City by Suketu mehta